Day Five: 6/30/14

It’s obviously been a while since I posted on here. I need to get better about it because I wanted to almost use this as some sort of therapy. Tomorrow I am finally getting my teeth fixed and the following day I’m going to Grand Haven. I’m really excited for the week to come, just to have no worries and spend some much needed family time.

Nothing new has really been happening in my life which has been making this summer remotely boring but it also has been putting a lot of things into perspective. I hope I can continue this new found perspective into the school year but all the distractions and social obligations scare me.

I’m going to bring my laptop up north with me so I can update up there if there is anything post worthy. Knowing my relationship with my mother, I’m sure I’ll at least have a thing of two to vent about at some point throughout the week.

Day Four: 6/16/14

I went home for the week. It was tumultuous but I am back in East Lansing now finally. Marina texted me yesterday and we are getting dinner tonight. Nothing else particularly memorable happened, I’m just glad I’m back here to have some time to myself. It’s much needed.

Day Three: 6/8/14

The past two days have been disappointing but I’m doing my best to stay happy and make the most out of them. Yesterday, I didn’t end up going to Tiffany’s because she was really overwhelmed with all of her graduation preparations. I went to CVS for my prescriptions and it was closed. Ashley hasn’t been texting me back and out of the past 8 days, I’ve worked 7.

On the brightside, I’ve been super productive lately. I’ve started this, been going to the gym, cooking and cleaning significantly more and just been being an all around better person. I talked to Savannah for a while on the phone last night and she helped me to realize that my recent lack of social life hasn’t been upsetting me emotionally, it just upsets me because I’m bored.

Heather texted me last night and told me that Richie fell down a flight of stairs and went into a coma. He’s out of it now and being responsive but I still hope to God that he’ll be alright. Even though we had the most platonic relationship possible, I still care a lot about him as a person and know that he’s strong enough to get through this. 

Today I’m (hopefully) going to Tiffany’s graduation party after work. I’m also going to the library before I head out WB because I’ve decided to take up reading again since I have so much spare time. I made a list of books I’m interested in and I’m hoping the library at least has a couple of them. Time to start getting ready and hope today turns out like I plan for once!

Day Two: 6/7/14

Even though the day has barely begun, I don’t really have much other time today that I can dedicate to posting so here we are. I randomly woke up at 7:45 this morning so I’m going to try to be productive and go to the gym before I work at 10.

Last night I was on call and let Tyler into his room. We ended up having to walk back and forth to the office three times because of that stupid key that for some reason I can never fully function. Anyway, we talked the entire time and got along extremely well. He didn’t get my number but he invited me to go to the hot tub that night with him and his friends. Since I closed the hot tub I told him I’d see them when I kicked them out but he wasn’t there so that was a disappointment.

Marina still hasn’t contacted me. Today marks two weeks since we last spoke. I wonder if she’s ever going to apologize and if she does, if I’m going to accept it. As time progresses I’m simultaneously becoming more of a pushover and more angry. Being in EL without her makes me want us to be friends so I don’t have to be alone constantly but at the same time the fact that she’s gone this long without even acknowledging the situation infuriates me even more.

I guess only time will tell! For now I’m off to the gym.

Go for someone who is proud to have you.
― Frank Ocean  (via meeresluft)

(Source: psych-facts)

Nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind, I tell you. In fact, others seem to be bothering you, but it is not others, it is your own mind.
― Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (via wordsthat-speak)
Day One: 6/6/14

I’m going to attempt to use this as a way to express myself. I’ve done my best to keep journals in the past but I felt as though a blog, knowing someone else could potentially read my posts, is more convenient given the amount of time I spend on the computer as well as edgier in the sense that someone I actually know could read this at anytime.

I’ve struggled a lot this past year. I handle small changes extremely well but if anything big happens, I crumble. I’m going to do my best not to go into detail only because dwelling on the past doesn’t help the future in any way. I’ll tell stories as necessary, and trust me there are quite a few, but those bridges will just be crossed along the way.

Right now I’m living up at school for the summer for work without any friends or family. I absolutely love my job and the people I work with, I’m really thriving in this environment, but I can’t help but feel lonely due to my complete lack of social life. If I tried harder, I know I could definitely go out and do things, the only problem is that the guy friends I have here basically only want to hook up with me and I’m not interested, with the exception of one.

The one with potential is named Rob. We have multiple mutual friends and after we met I always had a feeling he had a thing for me but neither of us ever acted on it. Finally in April we hooked up, but I was extremely intoxicated so it never carried over anything more. The following month I hooked up with a close friend of his, partially due to the fact that after Rob and I’s hook up, he blatantly ignored me and I felt as though he had used me. Wonderful logic on my part. Anyway, after that, I assumed Rob hated me. Earlier this summer though, I ran into him at the bar where, after poking fun at me for getting with his friend, he asked me to hang out. He followed up by texting me and snapchatting me multiple times, some of them inviting me over, but I’m scared it’s going to come off too much as a random hook up whereas I’m interested in something more.

I’m on call tonight so I have to go in for work at midnight. I let a kid named Tyler into his apartment today and I’m hoping when I kick his friends out of the hot tub he’s gonna ask me to hang out with them. Either way I work at 10 am tomorrow and then I’m going to my best friend Tiffany’s grad party. One day I’ll dedicate a whole entry solely to her craziness but this is enough for my first post.